In Memory of Edsa

I remember my philosophy professor once said that Edsa represented the failed hope of the people.

I look back and I realize that it's true, both Edsa's disappointed the people. While Edsa 1 was a means to regain the country’s democracy from Marcos’ martial law and it has its own symbolic place in history, what happened next in the succeeding administrations failed to fulfill Edsa 1’s hopeful promises.

There were so many activists back then, so many real people fighting for real freedom and real democracy. After Edsa 1, everyone had genuine hope for the future. But then, what happened next?

After Cory, there was Ramos and for awhile there it seemed ok. Until, he left the government’s coffers empty and it all went downhill after that.

With Edsa dos, we once again had renewed hope. We thought we were getting a more educated president, a former economics professor, and a person who won’t be such an embarrassment in international summits. But then no one could have predicted or could have expected the ruthlessness and shamelessness of GMA.

She gained her position through a second round of people power, where the youth clamored for change. Everyone were just so desperate for some shred of hope and they took it to the streets. Everyone thought they were ousting an uneducated former actor who had secret accounts (Jose Velarde, etc) and drinking sessions at midnight cabinet meetings.

And, what does GMA do? She takes the people's good will and she spits on it. It did not matter that she got her position on an implied platform of anti-ill gotten wealth, anti-plunder, or being the anti-thesis of Erap.

At least Erap had the decency to leave his post when he thought the people wanted him out, at least he gave the people that much. GMA just refused to leave even when no one wanted her anymore. She just held on. She glued herself to power for a decade, just refused to let go, abused the country over and over again, and blatantly push all the branches of government further into corruption. Her government was marked by so much discontentment. There were the series of attempts at her impeachment. There were all these unscrupulous deals and scandals: ZTE, NAIA 3, Jose Pidal, Le Cirque, the helicopter deal, Hello Garci, the Maguindanao massacre – among many many others.

In the eve of the anniversary of Edsa 1, in the middle of the Corona impeachment trial, and just a day after GMA’s pleas not guilty to electoral fraud charges against here, I think about how exhausted Philippine democracy must feel.

These days, it just feels silly to even dare hope for a new sense of hope.

Amidst the protest of some people of Aquino’s (very ironic) quest for totalitarianism, I wonder how it will all turn out.

I believe that no new government will be able to succeed unless the existing machinery of corruption is broken down first (or at the very least mildly impaired). Well, isn’t it but logical?

Some people have criticized Aquino for being obsessed with his anti-corruption campaign and his anti-GMA efforts. Well, I wonder why? For once, we at least get someone who is actually making an effort to fulfill his promise. He ran on an anti-corruption platform, did he not? Shouldn't he be doing all this?

Or are we used to politicians promising things but never doing them and we expected that to happen here - so now, we want him to just stop?

Personally, I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. It is not as if we have any other better option. If it is obsession that we’re talking about, then wouldn't you rather this one, than say, GMA’s or Corona’s obsession to hold on to power?

In response to the Three Points of Tiger Mom (part 3)

Since the French parenting book came out and there’s a renewed discussion on the tiger mom has broke out again. I've always wanted to give my 2 cents worth on the three points that was mentioned in most articles on her parenting.

So, here it is:

“First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.”

It is never about self-esteem because the concept, more often, has never been introduced to them. It is foreign to them. They don’t know what it is. They don’t get it and wouldn't even understand why they don’t have it. (That is, we are talking about the older baby boomer parents here, back when the world wasn't as globalized.)

Tiger parents do not assume strength over fragility. The just believe in blind obedience and the unquestionable authority that parents have over their children. It is more about I am the parent, this is what I want you to do, do it or else.

My mother herself has often used the word “weak” to manipulate me to do things. It is about emotional manipulation, the introduction of guilt, and negative reinforcement. It is hardly about the assumption of strength.

“Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.”

Let me answer this for you, Tiger mom. More than filial piety, it is about a sense of bitterness with a dash of guilt tripping. Seriously, it is.

It is true that tiger parents put in a lot, as immigrants born in the era of baby boomers, where working hard is everything, these people have worked their ass off.

To an extent, they are bitter about their children’s comparatively easy life. How come they had to work so hard and how come these kids don’t have to work as hard?

To an extent, they believed that they have paid their dues and it’s time for you, the child, to pay yours. They believe that they worked hard at planting the seeds, raising the child and paying for the child’s life, and they should get the fruits of their labor, that is the child must become whatever type of person that they believe will make them proud – even if this is not the kind of life the child personally envisioned for himself/herself.

Thus, begin the lifetime of guilt tripping.

In this manner, without even asking for it, the kid has become indebted to these people who’s suppose to genuinely love him/her and allow him/her to own his/her life, before he/she was even born.

“Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences. That's why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in high school and why Chinese kids can't go to sleepaway camp. It's also why no Chinese kid would ever dare say to their mother, "I got a part in the school play! I'm Villager Number Six. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal every day from 3:00 to 7:00, and I'll also need a ride on weekends." God help any Chinese kid who tried that one.

Don't get me wrong: It's not that Chinese parents don't care about their children. Just the opposite. They would give up anything for their children. It's just an entirely different parenting model.”

Ah, er, I don’t even think it should even be called a “parenting model”.

Yes, it’s true, these tiger parents believe that they know what’s best for their children and they override all their children’s own desire and preferences.

And here lies the problem. What if they are wrong? What if what they believe is the best for the child isn't really the best after all? These parents will remain close minded because, let’s face it, that’s just the way they are, and the child will never get what’s best for him/her.

It’s not about a different parenting model. These tiger parents just don’t value the arts because in their culture its monetary achievements that matter most and arts rarely translate to money so it is frown upon, seen as unimportant and a waste of time. Add to that tiger parents, more often, won’t even understand most of the world’s renowned art pieces, books or plays. They won’t get why any of these artsy things are so great and they simply are just, well, provincial, that way.

Again, I say, this tiger mom concept is not something to be applauded. It’s just so sad that this woman was allowed to perpetuate her unfortunate brand of parenting all over the world this way.

And, might I add that it is laughable how a recent article now cites tiger mom as suddenly claiming that her book is a satire. She was so dead serious about her book and stood by it for a long time after it was widely criticized. Now she changes her stand?

Sons and Daughters of Tigers (part 2)

Over the weekend I met a friend of a friend and we ended up discussing some issues about our family life over cocktails, ignited by a discussion of two different family business class electives that we took while doing our respective MBAs.

I’ve only met him once before and I barely know him and yet something about his take on his family business class clued me in. I’ve actually lived and breathed all these issues my entire life so it doesn’t really take much to clue me in that someone is suffering from some issue that stemmed from some bad form of Chinese parenting.

I discussed theoretical concepts in dealing with family business difficulties. I said that in most family business case examples, the issue are about who would become the successor. I said that it was often about the money or the power, about who gets more control over the company when the current patriarch or family head retires or dies.

But he disagreed with me, he said that the issue or the underlying issue, more often, was about the gaining the father’s approval.

And, here I find traces of a tiger dad looming in the background.

Our subsequent discussion further proves my theory. He didn't tell me everything about his family. But from what I’ve gathered from our discussion, based on how he looked at things, how he argued with my ideas and the things that he said that couldn't work for his family business, I could tell where was coming from, where he is right now, and to an extent what type of parenting was used on him.

He is a graduate of a pretty good international MBA program, he studied in Singapore and in Europe, and is about to get a pretty cushy job in Singapore. And, yet he is still seeking his father’s approval and he still doesn’t seem to have it.

He subsequently admitted that his parent’s emotional blackmails often worked on him despite knowing that it is just that – emotional blackmail. He also said that he disagrees with his father’s point of views, in career and business, but despite all this, he still seems affected.

It is akin to being a donkey following that carrot on a stick. That is, the carrot here is the parent’s approval. You work your way to get it but you are never going to really get it, or fully get it. You may get it for awhile and then it’s taken away. It seems you are only as good as your last achievement, only as good as what you have done so far, only as good as what you can do or how much you earn or how good you look to others, only as good as how much you follow their wishes. Other than those things, you are not particularly worth anything or at least, they will not make you feel that you are worth something. Whatever it is, it is never enough. This is how most children of tiger parent feels.

I repeat this often: I hate this archaic close minded Chinese way of parenting. It is not novel or brilliant. It’s not something that should be perpetuated or applauded. It is what it is: It is close minded and archaic and is practice by stuck up people who refuse to evolve and who don’t know any better yet continue to act like they're such superior people.

It’s embarrassing. But it’s no surprise that the roots of this tiger mom woman can be traced to the Philippines. Her parents are from Binondo, incidentally this new friend of mine is also from Binondo. Well, well, no wonder her parenting concepts are so familiar.

I have met so many people and I personally know some people who have been raised in this manner, in this tiger mom type of fashion. Some of them don’t even think there’s anything wrong with it. Some of them even think it’s great as they walk about feeling superior over others, basking in their own achievements.

But I see how it truly affects them. More often, these people are not happy people. More often, they have low self esteem and more often they lash out on others when they can’t cope with their own insecurities.

This type of tiger parent teaches their child that their worth lies in what they can do, what they can achieve, what they can earn or in some other inane marker, such being able to marry some rich guy.

And, here lies the problem. If you only base your worth on these things, then you probably don’t have a strong sense of self. What if you suddenly can’t achieve anymore or you lose your high paying job? Or this rich guy cheats on you and you find yourself separated and penniless? If you have nothing else to base you self esteem on, then chances are your self esteem gets shattered so easily. It’s no mystery why these people have such low self esteem.

More often, these people are competitive, always putting other people down, always concerning themselves on how they measure up to others and always convincing themselves that they are better than other people all the time.

It is a shallow way to think and live. There is more to life than all these things that the tiger moms of the world value.

I feel sad whenever I see people who are grappling with these issues. Always feeling inadequate, torn between wanting to please their parents and gaining their approval while thinking about what they really want to do with their lives.

If they follow their parents’ wishes, they may never truly be happy and if they follow their own dreams, then they may never get that illusive parental approval that’s been haunting them since they were little children.

I often feel sad and mildly angry when I meet people who lash out on you because you’ve somehow ruffled their very sensitive feathers. It is this type of parenting too that produces these very insecure people. If you do slightly better than them, they can’t even be happy for you because their initial instinct is to think about how inadequate you suddenly make them feel.

These “shallow values” that were ingrained in the upbringing of the sons and daughter of these tiger parents are so hard to shake off, especially when you are still continuously exposed to them.

Personally, I would rather be genuinely happy and satisfied with my life and comfortable in my own skin than received the skin deep approving nods of relatives and the rest of the tiger society.

Or else, there will be chaos!

I keep hearing about this alleged “chaos” that would ensue. While I do get the concept behind this, it still annoys the hell out of me.

So the concept is, just as Fr. Bernas said to some media outfits, that the decisions of the Supreme Court should absolutely and always be obeyed because otherwise, we will have chaos or risk having a constitutional crisis.

There’s a point there, yes. But is that enough for me to shut up and just agree with it? No.

Let’s look at some of these facts again, just to refresh our memories:

(Note that while they may also be found in media – or else how would I know about them? – fact remains, they are still, well facts.)

• Just days before March 10, 2010 (the day the 2 month ban on presidential appointments due to the next elections takes effect) – GMA appointed 200+ or so midnight appointees, which included her manicurist (to the board of trustee of Pag-ibig) and her gardener (as deputy of Luneta park administration. Accordingly to some media sources, some of the appointments were even dated March 25, 2010 when the ban was supposed to already be in effect.
• March 17, 2010 – SC rules that the constitutional ban on presidential appointments does not apply to the Supreme Court. (SC voted 9-1)
• May 17, 2010 – Arroyo appoints Corona as the new chief justice – a week after the 10 May elections, succeeding Reynato Puno upon his retirement on the same day.
• On the day GMA left office 14 of the 15 Supreme Court justices were appointed by her, 7 of them just in her last year of office.
• July 26, 2011 – SC declares the Truth Commission (EO #1) as unconstitutional, a body that suppose to investigate the allegations on the corrupt practices of the Arroyo government.
• Oct. 10 2010 - SC decision stops the Aquino administration from revoking the appointment of alleged 200+ midnight appointees of GMA (EO#2)
• November 15, 2011 – SC issues TRO on the watch list order on the Arroyo couple. (8-5)
• November 15, 2011 – GMA storms the airport wearing a neck brace, riding a wheelchair and claiming she needs medical treatment abroad. The couple booked 5 different flights from different airlines to Singapore and booked connecting flights to Spain. Spain has no extradition treaty with the Philippines.
• Feb 10, 2012 SC issues TRO on subpoenaed USD accounts of Corona (8-5). The 8 judges have been dubbed the Arroyo 8.

In addition...

• Corona voted 19-0 in all GMA interest cases.
• Corona stated just P3.5M in cash and investments in his SALN, while his revealed PS bank and BPI peso accounts reveal he had P31.7M. These are just his subpoenaed Peso accounts, while his USD accounts remain off limits due the TRO.
• Corona suspiciously closed three PS bank accounts on the same day he was impeached

If there is no other reason, other than to stick with the SC just to stick with the SC because otherwise there will be chaos – then, well, I don’t know about you, but to me that’s just sounds LAME.

I have a question: Can it still called be the court of justice, if it’s a clear, BLATANTLY and SHAMELESSLY biased court?

Sentiments of people who insist on obeying the SC no matter what, I assume, are rooted in the principle of sincerely protecting the institution (unless, you are some political ally of theirs and you have something to gain by keeping these people in power). But this “we must obey the SC, just because its rule must be absolute” and simply because of that, is just short sighted.

I do not see the logic in unquestioningly obeying a roster of SC judges who continue to abuse their power by (I repeat) BLATANTLY and SHAMELESSLY deciding in favor of GMA every single time.

For that matter, by power tripping like this, they have allowed themselves to become the opposite of independent and impartial. They have allowed the SC to become an Arroyo controlled court – and isn’t this in effect (already) making a fool of the SC itself?

I find it paradoxical that the people, lawyers or non-lawyers, who want to protect the SC because they believe that if the institution is disobeyed there will be chaos, are also effectively protecting these biased SC judges, who are also effectively mocking their cause from behind by not really standing for true justice as they stand for their true loyalty to GMA.

This constitutional crisis / chaos argument – Are we all supposed to give in to the Supreme Court every time it issues a TRO on something that threatens Corona or GMA?

A constitutional crisis. Oh, the chaos. This is what they want you to think. And, they will continue to let you think it, if you let them get away with it. And, they will continue to make biased decisions based on their own interests, if we all allow them to hold on just because "we absolutely must obey the SC".

I truly find it weird that he comes out of the SC balcony and poses like this, like's he's the Pope or some olden times King of England. (source picture picked up from the net)

Must we be held hostage by this argument?

No one wants chaos. No one wants a constitutional crisis. But no one wants to be held hostage by a blatantly biased and shameless Supreme Court either.

Grim Thoughts

If this was a lawyer show, if this was happening in another country… I’d probably say it’s exciting. I’d tune in and be riveted. Eat chips and just relax.

A couple of weeks ago, I was excited. Today, I just feel grim.

The irony: The Corona side now chooses to wear the color red. Is it because black proved unlucky? Are they going with red for the Chinese or for Marcos? Picture from the ManilaTimes.net.

Normally, I would think its cool how various sides would try to outwit each other, pull stunts and just battle it out. That is – if it was an episode of The Good Wife, The Practice, Boston Legal and even Ally McBeal.

However, it’s no longer cool if the defense side is composed of the country’s big time lawyers, defending the impeached Supreme Court judge, who was appointed through a midnight appointment by an ex president that is also accused of election fraud (among many other things), who have all these properties and money that doesn’t match his official records, who refuse to open his multiple dollar accounts to the public and who just refuses to let go of his position – even at the expense of the country’s reputation and constitution stability.

I agree with the rule of law argument and I agree with the concept of check and balances. While it is important to look into these things, it is also important to look at why we are here at this point – the current president won the election on a platform of anti corruption. This means that by some miracle, the people still have some hope for some semblance of a government – that’s well, less corrupt, despite our history and despite the past decade.

I think it’s great that the people are not so demoralized after years and years of being treated like a doormat. 

This means that the people still believe and demand that they deserve better.

On an ethics paper, I once asked this: If majority of the people are unethical, does ethics even matter? My answer was – that yes, it matters, for without ethics, where then would we find ourselves?

It is the same thing here, I ask: If majority of the public officials are corrupt, does being honest and transparent even matter? And yes, it matters (at least to me) - if no one valued honestly, and everyone are just out for themselves, looking after their own interest, and just out to gain more power and money at the expense of the public, the country, and the people – then where would we find ourselves?

Is it enough to blatantly declare and believe that since they are all corrupt, that everything Corona has done is just normal, should not be frowned upon, and that because of the rule of law, the check and balances, the wit of the defense team, the constitution and whatnot – that we just all let it go?

Are we just suppose to sit back and watch and no longer hope or demand for something better than this?

I find today’s turn of events just that, it's grim because the defense side will keep pulling stunts, as what we would expect them to do just because they are good lawyers and brilliant strategist. But if we let them run away with this, law or no law, it feels like we just sat and watched, and did nothing.

If Corona and GMA has any ounce of genuine desire for public service as they persist to ironically hold on tight and shamelessly refuse to let go of their government positions, they should just do the country the truest of all public service and just: LET GO.

Fat chance – but I just wanted to say it.